Time to ban fists and feet

Here’s a little factoid that the foaming at the mouth Assault Weapons Banning crowd might find interesting.  According to the FBI you are TWICE as likely to be beaten to death by someone using their hands or feet than you are being killed by a rifle.

And that’s not just a so called “assault” rifle…that’s EVERY kind of rifle combined.

The numbers break down like this: In 2010 when this information was compiled there were 358 murders committed by a perpetrator using a rifle.  Over that same time, 745 people were killed were the perpetrator used only his hands, fists or feet to do so.

At a ratio of 2 to 1 there is an epidemic of fist and feet murders going on in the country and as such, according to the rationale of the gun control zealots, action must be taken.  Immediately everyone must register their hands and their feet.

Also, we live in the modern age and 10 fingers and 10 toes are antiquated so we must modernize the definition of what hands and feet are.  Since we as a society have evolved to use keyboards and touchscreens and barely write anymore we should, as a society, cut off the 6 fingers of everyone in the nation.  I mean, think of how hard it would be to kill someone when you only have a thumb and an index finger on each hand.

Of course, some people still need/want all 10 fingers so I guess we can set up a ridiculous set of bureaucratic hurdles for those who are privileged and affluent enough to get through, in order to give them special dispensation in order to retain all of their assault fingers.

A similar process would be in order for the feet as well.

And that is only the hands and feet.  I haven’t even mentioned that you are 10 times as more likely to be murdered by a knife, blade, rock or other blunt and non-firearm related object than you are a rifle.

So when a gun control zealot starts spewing their nonsense about their fictional “epidemic” of assault weapons what they really mean is that they are against those weapons in principle and regardless of what tragedy they have to exploit they will continue to try and assert control over you.

I call it a fictional epidemic because, as the FBI has proven, being killed by any sort of rifle is extremely rare.  The epidemic lies in the gun control zealots mind.  They hate these weapons because they are the biggest obstacle in their pursuit of control.  Millions upon millions of law abiding citizens own semi-automatic rifles and they will never use them to commit a crime or heinous act.  Yet their presence in the hands of free men and women are the deterrent that those who seek total control cannot stand.

When we lose those weapons, those in power need not cut off our fingers because our hands will all ready (metaphorically) be in chains